Friday, April 22, 2011

Warthogs crash into Car Wars with disastrous results...

You know now the Warthog from Halo 1 seemed to be the perfect vehicle?
Well, I went ahead and applied Car Wars logic to it (with somewhat hilarious results)

Warthog(Yes, from that Halo game!)
Driver: Room for one Spartan super soldier who can run faster than this vehicle.
Passengers: Room for one passenger wildly firing an woefully inaccurate battle rifle in the front seat and a gunner manning a very large machinegun in the rear turret. How the gunner has to strength to hang on is anyone's guess. Rumor has it that the gunner's hands are carbon welded to the gun's firing mechanism as well as his feet to the floor of the turret.
Armor: Lightweight Neutonium armor all around. Impossible to penetrate or damage except that all damage is bypassed to the passenger, driver and (of course) gunner. No top armor and no damage to all occupants in the case of a vault or rollover. Somehow the occupants are ejected when the Warthog vehicle tilts more than 60 degrees.
Engine: Some super awesome fusion and fairy dust powerplant that is never damaged except if submerged in water. It will explode in water.
Armament: Vulcan machinegun in turret with gunner manning it. For some reason it can shoot infinite ammunition. Rumor has it that there is a mini foundry/factory near the bottom of the machine that turns the dirt beneath the vehicle into bullets at a very rapid rate. Extremely accurate at point blank and extremely inaccurate at longer ranges.
Cost: Unknown. The tax-payers pay for it so who cares?
Weight: Infinite but has a super secret baking formula for making compressed black hole grade neutonium ultra light material armor. In fact it is so light weight that tire friction and air resistance is what limits the vehicle's top speed and acceleration.
Tires: Made of the same ultra light compressed black hole grade neutonium but inflatable for a smooth ride.
Suspension: Extremely sensitive to even the smallest bump in the road for tactical awareness of the surface you are driving on. Gives the vehicle a feeling of "sitting on a balloon rolling over a bouncy castle". Can recover from being dropped from any height and protects the passengers and driver from any concussion action through a small marble sized mechanism in the dash that bends the laws of physics around them. 
Caution: It can kill any living known creature (even an elephant) with just a 1 mph tap of the bumper.

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